I'm pretty transparent. I put my flaws out there before anyone else has time to point them out for me.
However, lately...well, you haven't heard from me because...I've succumbed to the worst kind of hypocrisy.
We all know what a hypocrite is. We maybe have known one...we most likely have been one.
For the past few months, I've let my typically transparent form of encouraging others be overtaken by this sort of thinking: "Is it really right to think I have something to 'say' or believe I can help others when I have so many issues in my own life? Isn't that hypocritical?"
I've had what I call "shell" days off and on my entire existence. Not days at the beach. Days in which I've felt like a shell of a human being. One foot in front of the other. Step, step, step...sigh. I haven't "felt" it or thought I "looked" it, so I've not "shared" it.
Shared what? My hope.
For you see, when Shell KyAnne thinks she's the one stepping, it's not - and never has been - her doing the stepping.
Before you go thinking I'm about to copy and paste the "Footprints" poem here...hang with me.
I'm always "referring" to hope. Hope is all that sets us apart from people who have yet to enter into a true relationship with Jesus Christ. And not the golden-haired, blue-eyed, serene-looking guy on the wall in the fellowship hall at your granny's church. The broken-hearted, broken-bodied, filled-with-so-much-love-and-desire-for-you guy, who hung on a cross for all of that junk that makes you feel like a shell. That Jesus.
So, even in my darkest times...I'm still stepping. I may not "feel" like functioning and I may not be bouncing off the walls...but, I'm moving. If I didn't have the hope of Christ, I'd be in a fetal position in the corner of my bedroom with a bag of Cheetos and a 2-liter of Dr. Pepper.
I'm going to quote myself and than the Bible. Yep, the Bible quotes will be way more powerful.
Page 66 in "Diary of a Cavewoman," Shell KyAnne declares, "Don't believe the lie that a person walking in God's peace never appears to have a crazy existence. Quite the opposite, I believe. A person with God's peace has the supernatural ability to live in a crazy existence...and still walk."
The Bible says this, "For we do not preach ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord..." (II Corinthians 4:5) and "'My (Christ's) grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in (your) weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (II Corinthians 9 & 10.)
The worst hypocrisy? Having the hope of Christ in my life (hope that gives me strength to walk when I want to quit), and not constantly sharing it...even in the midst of my weakest times.
So, I'm sorry for the days I haven't shared hope with you...even when I knew God was telling me to. Forgive me for being a hypocrite. You may be running today...I hope you are. I run a lot of days. But, there are days...it's a prayerful and purposeful one foot in front of the other. For those of you feeling like a shell today...I know. He knows. He's strong, so we don't have to be. That's the Gospel.